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Still Juggling

May 6th, 2015 at 09:24 am

Couples counseling last night was hard. I told Brandus that I needed to see him complete either an inpatient or intensive outpatient program before coming home. He was upset and even with the counselor helping facilitate the discussion, it was still hard and he was angry and I was crying.

But I feel ok.

He did text this morning and apologized for how he acted, and I told him I still want us to go see Annie as a family, as we got tickets a while ago, and I think it would be a low stress way to spend time together. I'm not backing down on what I need to see from him, and I have an individual appointment with the therapist next week, and another couples in two weeks.

So, another month, at least, of solo parenting, depending on how long it takes him to follow through on completing a program.

I had told him I want to spend time with him, and I want Voldemort to spend time with him, but with him being so incredibly out of it the other day I don't feel safe with them just being left alone, and I sure as HELL don't feel safe with him driving the Dark Lord around.

So I'm trying to figure out how to juggle family prior plans and the Dark Lord's schedule and still have time to take care of myself, which is all very complicated.

I forgot to pack Voldemort's lunch last night, and we were rushing around this morning to get to work on time for professional development, so he had to buy lunch today. He has the money in his account, but I try to pack his lunch most days.

I did pack my lunch last night, as we had ravioli with zucchini and brown butter for dinner, and I made off with ALL of the leftovers, because it is delicious - and because, Voldemort, of course, turned his nose up at the zucchini.

Regardless, I am managing to keep us both fed and the house vaguely clean, so I'm counting the sudden solo parenting to be going successfully, although any and all advice from anyone who has gone through anything similar would be awesome.

5 Responses to “Still Juggling”

  1. Miz Pat Says:

    Do you have any kind of support group for the alcoholism issue?

    Alanon is supposed to help, but they tell you not to get divorced for at least a year. Codependents anonymous is good for figuring out how Alcoholism has messed with your ability in relationships.

    I'm divorced but we had no children. Actually he was beating up the little dogs and that's part of what gave me strength to change the locks, file for divorce and to get a restraining order - At that time, I thought i deserved to be bruised and emotionally devastated all the time. Go figure.

    I would do my planning ahead and make large portions and freeze them for future meals. Make sure money is in your freaking name - when my ex left me he cleaned out all the joint bank accounts, and then immediately got devastatingly drunk and lost some of the money.

    Live! Live! Take care of yourself and the Dark Lord. Do fun things.

  2. laura/deacon's wife Says:

    Can never speak too highly of support groups! Any place where this is a definite time to go and share your crap with others who understand (vs those who are sympathetic) in invaluable! Also frees up the crap and baggage and you're better able to move on at least a bit more unencumbered.

    Take care of yourself. Stay strong. It is your life, too. And you've got to look out for your little man. Prayers for you for peace. (hug)


  3. SecretarySaving Says:

    I'm a single mother. Here is my advice. Be selfish in the fact that you get so much time with your kiddo all to yourself and you don't have to share. Sleep on the other side of the bed. Get some fresh air. Turn on some music and dance or clean lol. Have mommy time after your kiddo goes to bed. Wake up early. Make a list of all you want to do and start doing it. Make memories!

    At my house I don't have cable. I pay for wifi and we have Netflix but we don't watch tv during the week. We read, go for walks, play Uno..things like that. Are you in a good church? Do you coupon? We go to the library on Fridays and I my audio books there for free to listen to during my weekly commute to/from work. That helps with the budget.

  4. Deb Says:

    I cannot validate enough what Laura said about "support groups that understand vs those that are sympathetic." It was helpful to me to go to support groups to discover I was not the only one suffering with my daughter's drug problems. The other people there were just like me: giving, kind, trying to do the right thing. I had the hardest time to stop blaming myself for her problems or letting my emotions be ruled by her behavior. I have not mastered it completely, but I have dug myself out of a hole of depression when I thought life could never be bright again. It can.

  5. CB in the City Says:

    Support groups are great. You do have to find the right one, though, and you can only do that by trial and error.

    If I could redo the days after my divorce, I would keep a better hold on my anger. It took me a while to really acknowledge that life isn't fair, and even though I deserved better, it wasn't what I got, so boo! I would also be much better about my finances -- it took me a while to learn that, too! I would be much more patient with my children. I would concentrate on bettering my life instead of looking for someone else to better it for me.

    Times like these are like dog-paddling in a tidal wave. You do your best, and carry on. I think maybe the most important thing to remember is to pat yourself on the back for every little victory. With so much negative stuff swirling around, it's hard, but you just have to love yourself when life is difficult. Be your own best friend!

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